Lasers, as a sci-fi staple they're up there with aliens, eternal night, robots sent from the future and Lance Henriksen, so it's good news to sci-fi fans to hear that a laser weapon is ever nearer. Hoorah! More weapons to eradicate our fellow man, just what we need in this current climate of fear, blame-mongering, hatred and contempt!

While lasers are something straight out of popular sci-fi, I think the world is edging ever closer to a sci-fi akin to that of Philip K Dick. If there's ever been a paranoid drug fiend, he's your man. He deals with the blurring line between the real and imagined, constantly confusing the reader with multiple realities, dead-ends that look like answers, cruel jokes, non-linear timelines and highly elusive conclusions. His characters are swathed in an eerie despondency, a hopelessness, a restless unease, a feeling of being trapped eternally in a mirror house of confusion and falsehood. That, I think, is closer to the realities we face each day.

But anyway, don't let that grind you down, lasers are cool! Imagine a laser this powerful in one of those laser toys for cats. Here kitty, kitty, here kit- ZIMP! MEOW!! Where'd kitty go? And where'd all this fur come from?

Life gets tougher the older you get, what's a person to do when the wintry years of our meagre lives set in? Go do voluntary work at the local charity shop? Sit about eating boiled sweets and urinating on your grandchildren? Meh!

I'll be joining this tidy old boy; he's 74 and is a Japanese pr0n star - that's right, 74 years old.

While most old people wander about their nursing homes like extras from a zombie flick, fighting over liquidised scraps of pig lung and chewing scrabble pieces, this guy's wandering about in the altogether getting his freak on! That's what I'm talking about.

Please understand though, he's in it purely for the dramatic challenges these roles present - Yeah whatever!